There have been seasons in my life when life felt like one long battle. Rejection stung in places I didn’t even know were tender. Abandonment felt crushing. And the isolation—the moments where it seemed like no one saw what I was really fighting—was excruciating. Those battles eventually led me to write my book. But as I look back, I can see something I could not see then: God was shaping me through every trial. Every closed door, every disappointment, every painful moment became part of His process of molding me into the woman He created me to be.

Scripture shows us not only how God purifies our faith so that they are not wasted. Peter writes in 1 Peter 1:6-7 about our flesh being purified. Not only that but we can rejoice even in painful, temporary trials because God is using those trials to test, prove, and purify our faith. Just as gold is refined by fire, our faith becomes stronger and more genuine through hardship, resulting in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. God does not use fire to destroy His children—He uses it to refine them. (“In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which perishes though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”)

Whether our battles are internal or external, God cuts away what cannot remain. Paul in Romans 5 and the writer of Hebrews 12 teaches us how God carries this out. The struggles we face develop endurance, and that endurance builds a proven, Christlike character that strengthens our hope in Him. At the same time, His loving discipline—though difficult while we are in it—produces holiness and the peaceful fruit of righteousness in those who yield to His work. What feels like breaking is actually building, because the Father’s loving discipline is not punishment but His way of shaping us reflects His Son. (“And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope.” Romans 5:3–4) (“For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” Hebrews 12:10–11)

When we face these refining moments, this is how we stand firm: we begin by yielding rather than resisting, just as James 4:7 reminds us. (“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”) We endure with hope by keeping our eyes on Jesus, who endured the cross for joy (Hebrews 12:2). 1 John 1:9 commands us to repent quickly, trusting His forgiveness when sin is revealed. (“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”) And we stay connected, encouraging one another and not giving in to isolation (Hebrews 10:24–25).

And woven through every battle is this anchoring truth: our victory begins in surrender to Jesus. We surrender by trusting that God’s hands are shaping us, not harming us. We surrender by letting His Word guide and mold us more than our wounds do. We surrender by opening our hearts to the Holy Spirit’s refining work. Surrender is not defeat—it is aligning with the One who leads us into true victory.